Living in Uncertainty: Letting Go and Letting God Lead
Every new year, I set both personal and professional goals. I write in my journal about the income I want to make, the steps I’ll take to achieve it, and the connections I’ll foster along the way. I also reflect on what I desire in my love life and relationships. But last year was different. I realized I had been waiting for the right financial stability before considering settling down, and I had placed my hopes on long-term dating evolving into a committed relationship. But when my finances weren’t where I expected them to be, I slipped into survival mode—the very place I promised myself I’d never return to.
At one point, I had been living in abundance, helping others, and thriving. But when everything changed, I was left feeling incompetent. How could I be struggling at this stage in my life, after all the sacrifices and hard work I’d put in? How could I be here again? That’s the thing about life—it’s full of unexpected turns. One minute, you feel on top of the world, and the next, you’re hit with the weight of societal expectations—financial stability, a healthy relationship, a family—and feeling like a failure because you don’t have them.
But in this time of struggle, I found myself growing closer to God in a way I never had before. This connection felt different—it felt personal. I began looking within and questioning my worth. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else, but not for me? I never expected my life to be this hard. And then, as I looked at my journal, I realized that almost nothing I had written down for 2024 had come true. In fact, it felt like everything had gone in the opposite direction. My values, my beliefs, and everything I thought I knew had been challenged. They say you don’t truly have a relationship with God until you start questioning His role in your life.
By the end of the year, I was feeling defeated, but I knew I had to change my perspective. Despite the challenges, I found so many positive things to focus on. I didn’t find the romantic relationship I had hoped for, but I found deep friendships and love through my nonprofit organization and the volleyball club I created to connect with people and show them they’re not alone. I started these projects at my most vulnerable moment, when I felt alone. I became more involved in serving God at my church and, through conversations with my pastor, I became the church’s writer.
I kept attending events, networking, and pushing forward as if I had it all together—when, in truth, I was lost. I didn’t know where my next paycheck would come from, if I’d need to move, or if I should distance myself from certain people. I had no answers. But it was my upbringing—my inner drive—that kept me going. I kept waking up each day, writing, reaching out, networking, and believing that God was doing this for me, not to me. Through the uncertainty, I was growing, evolving, and learning.
And here’s the truth I learned: life is meant to be lived in uncertainty. All the setbacks and disappointments pushed me out of my comfort zone and taught me to live in the moment. I realized that God knows my heart, my desires, and He will make them happen when the time is right. Now, I trust Him. I’m learning patience, knowing that what is meant for me will come, at the right time. And when things don’t work out, I thank Him because I know He’s preparing me for something better.
So this year, I’ve set no goals, made no plans. I’m choosing to live in uncertainty. I’ll do what feels right in the moment and continue to put God at the center of my life and decisions. At the end of the day, I trust that I can’t miss out on anything or anyone meant for me.
Here’s to a year of uncertainty and leaving it all in God’s hands. I’ll check back in 12 months to share what came out of this.
Love & Light
Mari
